Dom and Daddy [January 2019]

Within a few months I have become both a Dom and a Daddy, which has set me to thinking about the difference.

There’s not any…

The difference is only that every relationship, and D/s ones are not any different, has it’s own dynamic based on the individuals involved.

At this point you would normally expect to read “because every person is different, every relationship between two people is different.” well, yeah. But…having now been a client of a very empathic and intuitive Somatic Experiencing therapist for almost two years, and having had some major breakthroughs and growth through this process, i would say instead, “Every relationship is different because each one evokes a different set of woundedness in us.”

Each of my lovers brings a different set of circumstances to our connection that opens different ways of my relating. One of the truisms of SE therapy is that wounds occur in relationship (most often to our mother, which plays out then in relationships with women). Each lover is to me also a different archetype: Wise Woman, Girl Next Door, Daughter, Wild Woman….

Each one pushes different buttons. One of my lovers I have known for a very long time has the position in my constellation of pushing the same buttons my ex-wife did. None of this is deliberate or conscious, but it’s my chance to heal, to grow, and to move ahead into more self-awareness.

As we enter a new year, I hope each of you reading this can step back and take a self-aware look at your relationships and find where the growth points are, own your own fuck-ups, and be compassionate not only to your partners but to yourself….