I wanted to be more

I wanted to have an important life,

to help people, to change things,

to be part of the solution

and all that crap.

Somehow, I gave too much credence

to what other people thought

and spent years chasing routines,

self-discipline, appearances

I never actually examined.

If only I could let myself be ordinary.

If only I could not compare myself

to the handsome, fit, sexy men

I see all around me.

I’m too heavy, which leads to diabetes

and sleep apnea and sore muscles.

I could, but don’t, do yoga every day

or walk, or eat only healthy food.

Then I began loving you

and you told me I was enough

just how I am right now

and that I am enough

the way I was yesterday

and how I will be tomorrow.

You told me I am not what I accomplish.

You told me I am a kind person,

that I am sexy to you, that you

love being with me.

Keep saying that,

maybe someday I will believe you.

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