Best I Can Do (2009)

Words hanging
things left unsaid
things said without thought, thoughtlessly, stupidly
If only they could be unsaid
or reabsorbed into the hugeness of love
hurt rendered into comfort

we use the same words
but they aren’t the same
meaning shaped by lives
lives shaped by words
words shaped by experiences
which differ regardless of age

can they ever be the same when the origins are so different
but it’s not age or different origins that matter
when our intentions are hidden
not out of subterfuge but fear
knowing how we can be hurt
dreading what seems inevitable

but what if, despite what we both think we know
pain is not the inevitable product of love
what if love deepens into real trust
instead of thinking we know what the other wants
we become simply able to ask without sadness
without fear or remorse for what can’t be, living what is

opening hearts honestly even if the surgery
requires an anaesthetic we don’t possess
a language we have to learn
a language of allowing ourselves
to know we are valued far more than we self-value
and worth braving pain for, despite self-loathing

because from where I stand
what I know of you is worth any brokenness
your beauty shining between the cracks of your self-hate
and what you show me is my brokenness re-formed
into a new heart lightened and lifted
as your light pours in and burns away my sadness

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