What polyamory is to me, part 1

If you desire to know more about polyamory, and think you might be oriented that way, I highly recommend the books “The Ethical Slut” and “More than Two”. Both approach the topic from different but complimentary perspectives. Since this way of being often brings up internal conflicts with our socialization, I also recommend Brene Brown’s audiobook “The Power of Vulnerability”. Finally, for both men and women, but women particularly, I recommend Regina Thomashauer’s book “Pussy: A Reclamation”.

Just because you are polyamorous doesn’t mean that all the normal issues of a love relationship don’t arise. I recommend a blog Poly.Land that addresses a lot of this far more eloquently and with more experience than I can. So, I”m just going to relate what I know about things, one issue at a time. AS I learn how to format the back-end of these pages on WordPress I will move these things into separate and more easily-found pages. There’s also a great podcast available where most podcasts are found called Multiamory.

Jealousy: the big bugaboo. I get jealous. And it’s almost always a sign of something but not usually a sign that the relationship is actually threatened. Trauma is defined as a real or IMAGINED threat to our safety and well-being. Imagining my lover is going to leave me simply because their relationship with another lover is expanding is imagined threat. J has given me such a valuable tool in saying, “part of me is entirely yours”. What I’m learning is that it’s not a pie to be divided up but an ever expanding set of parts of me that, in total, equal more love than I ever had for one person, even my ex-wife when we first were married, who I loved deeply and still care about.

So jealousy is always about my own demons, and I have to know that I am enough, I am not broken, I am desirable in my own somatic knowing. Then I can be happy for a lover when they see another lover they value and treasure, that they are going to have a wonderful date, a lovely time, maybe get fucked well…that their life’s joy will be increased. If I love them, this is what I truly desire for them anyway. I don’t have to always be the one providing that joy.

More to follow…

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