Current state of affairs (of the heart), part 5

Since the last update, relationships have settled into three with female-identifying person, one with a male-identifying person, and one possible new one. More on that if and when it becomes more…

My relationship with E has de-escalated to deep friendship. I think we are better this way. I am becoming more aware of my own needs and desires in the moment and the intensity of our connection was more than I could manage.

A woman I met online May 2020, J, mentioned in the last entry has become an in-person connection and she is fun, funny, snuggly, sexy, and I can’t wait to see her again. She is a semi-long-distance relationship so at best we will see each other monthly, but probably less.

I have now been with partners R and G for over 4 years. They are my foundation. As I learn and expand, and knowing that I could be completely happy alone, our relationships have deepened and the urgency, sense of pining when I don’t see them, and general heightened sense has been replaced by deep assurance. I have renegotiated my relationship with R and we are seeing each other less often but with much higher intensity. I like this. I see G weekly and she is my rock, my sodalite heart.

5 years ago,in the midst of abuse and despair, I never would have imagined that my life would open this way and that I would ever be this happy.

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