[note, 7/14/20: much of this is now outdated, but I am leaving it here as a ‘historical’ reference point, to remind myself that at times I don’t know very much, that the shape of EVERY relationship is really only arrived at by mutual consent, and that while I am Dom and I am R;s Dom and G‘s Daddy, that doesn’t mean the relationships don’t grow, morph, and shift sometimes every time we see each other. Boxes are to put old photos in, not relationships]
My relationship with my lover R has transformed into a 24/7 D/s commitment. See the poem One word changes everything
I am ecstatic, joyous. This is something that has been both our fantasies for a very long time, long before we met, and other poems are about it. You’ll be able to tell if you peruse the poems.
It’s uncharted waters for us both. Bedroom D/s we know; lifetime, daily work and living we don’t , and we are not cohabiting, so it will require some defined guidelines.
I am proposing some tonight and when they are clear I will post them here in hopes they might be of aid to others…..
Stay tuned. I plan to report factually everything of significance, good or bad, joyous or troubling. It’s all learning….
The first set of proposed guidelines sucked, I did poorly. R was understandably resistant and upset. I am not (if you read “I’m not that kind of Dom”) someone who wants to do anything without full consent and surrender. So, since then we have been negotiating, discussing, working on what this might look like. There’s no conclusion yet. I potentially desire more control in some areas than she is willing to give, and I understand how her need for autonomy is important in those areas. She is also just beginning an online course that may clarify a whole lot of this, over the next few months.
R and I are slowly inching toward some understandings about how D/s could be 24/7 outside the bedroom. I am so deeply in love with her. I found some posts online that describe way better than I can the kind of D/s relationship I am desiring to build with her, and will post those links here when I receive consent from those bloggers.
R has been wearing a day-collar that I gave her for about a month now. She is living into her desire to be surrendered. I was with her last night and pointed out the moments when she is in full surrender and those when she is not, and we are just being aware of this as she learns how to be in this space. I haven’t posted about this in a few months, but as of two months ago she fully surrendered to me, and I gave back to her autonomy in her professional, family, and friendship lives; I don’t need those, although I am beginning to create a container for her to perhaps be more efficient and creative in her professional life, just using some skills I have that she hasn’t utilized before. We are continuing to refine what she needs full autonomy in, and what she doesn’t, and how that plays into our relationship as Dom/sub.
I think our power exchange is at the point where it feels like a natural part of our time together, and definitely increases the polarity. We are two full years (minus a few days) into our relationship, and it might be natural at this point for her to ask my advice about work and family things, but I sense it wouldn’t be normally for her; her autonomy was and is very important for her psychologically. But she’s asking my advice on many things. It is a challenge to keep that balance at the moment, to not take over areas that I have given her back autonomy in.So, navigation of power right now…she joined Fetlife and put herself as my sub there. Heart-expanding moments…
G and I came to understand our relationship as Daddy/Princess in late December. This is evolving. It feels natural and close.
My Beloved said last night: I don’t think the D/s part of our relationship can be separated out any more; it’s who we are together. Heart blooming….
My Princess calls me Daddy regularly , ahh…
My Beloved is now asking me in our formal D/s form of address about more than the basic things we agreed she had to ask permission for…and, I have let go of any need to define or label how things are.
I highly recommend the book “The Heart of Dominance” for anyone interested in either side of the slash. This has transformed my thinking about D/s and consent and how it fits into my relationship(s).
Rule-setting for my Beloved has gone well, and our connection deepens…she is routinely asking me for permission for the things she has agreed to ask about without hesitation, or resistance. She is surrendered somatically much more of the time, trusting my space-holding.
I found a delicate rhinestone tiara for my Princess’ birthday. I loved seeing it on her…and, her head on my shoulder, looking up at me, telling me I’m the best daddy…
My beloved is not, for now, my Beloved; while my feelings have not changed, and I don’t believe hers have, we needed space to learn how to be together without triggering each other’s somatic trauma. Last Friday we deescalated our relationship to friendship. Following the process of conscious uncoupling, I hope we can begin to slowly re-engage parts of being lovers and see what that does to our spaciousness and relating.
My Princess has taken more space in my life and I welcome this.
The conscious uncoupling with my Beloved was about 10 weeks of almost no contact, then we began tentatively reaching back out and now are connected again, with much more space and spaciousness. We are negotiating and discussing what resuming or reinventing or re-configuring a D/s relationship would look like, and whether it can be anything beyond the bedroom. The negotiating is lovely in itself, to be able to communicate at this level.
My Princess is even closer to me now. I so love all my partners.
My Beloved and I are not , now, in any defined or formal D/s relationship, yet, she continues to address me both in text and in person, in the D/s formality of address we had set, and continues to act sub to me in bed and often out of it. Labels are meaningless; the reality is beyond labeling and better than anything I could have ever desired.
And when my Princess texts me, Goodnight, Daddy, I still melt…